I Killed Mom and Other Lies: A Memoir of Early Loss

🎁 Pre-order now from an independent woman-owned bookstore. This special package is only expected to be available through the end of September.

An overachiever with a long-dead mom remembers how to play.

A high achiever, Mandy has a loving husband, a home mortgage, and a lucrative career by her late twenties—everything expected of a good Midwestern girl. But when an abusive new boss triggers buried childhood shame, she becomes bedbound by depression.

Decades earlier, her doting mother dropped dead, as her crass father puts it. Her rebellious brother was her only comfort in their emotionally-suppressive blended-family home. Then he abandoned her, too.

Frustrated that she’s not yet over her losses, Mandy tries everything she can think of to save her job, her relationships, and herself: penpalling, online shopping, psychotherapy, running… Then tragedy strikes a second time.

Both heartbreaking and hilarious, I Killed Mom and Other Lies is a candid memoir of Mandy’s journey through grief, old and new. It provides insights into early parent loss while reminding us how to feel joy, no matter what we lose along the way.

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Pre-order your signed paperback copy from an independent woman-owned bookstore. This special package is only expected to be available through the end of September.

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Early praise

“Mandy Kubicek’s work deftly explores both the intensity of life’s struggles and the lightness of its possibilities. She’s a sheer joy to read.” –Hope Edelman, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Motherless Daughters and The Aftergrief

“Mandy’s stellar writing, candor, and humor manages what many memoirs don’t—truth-telling without bashing the reader over the head with feel-good-isms. I can’t recommend it highly enough!” —Donna Schuurman, Executive Director Emeritus, Dougy Center: The National Grief Center for Children & Families

“I loved this. For anyone who’s experienced the loss of a loved one as a child, this is a must read. I felt so validated in seeing my feelings and experiences echoed in Mandy’s. It really made me self-reflect on how I’ve processed (and not processed) grief throughout my life. The ending line floored me. I read it over-and-over when I finished while tears welled up.” –Matthew Brand

“What a treat! I highly recommend this book. Despite it being a memoir of early loss, I found it quite entertaining, inspiring, and uplifting. I wanted to squeeze that little seven-year-old and high-five the woman she became. My only wish is that the book was longer because it became a staple of my nighttime routine!” –Kate Kimberlin

Since I didn’t lose a parent as a child, I was surprised how incredibly healing this book was for me, at age 65, having just lost my mom and also my adult son. The author’s story is beautifully written—the words will grip you til the very end. Her journey through years of grief, and discovering how it affected every part of her life (marriage, family, career) was an eye-opening lesson for anyone who has lost someone close. The book left me feeling positive, empowered, and self-compassionate. I highly recommend it!” –Cynthia Collins

It reminded me of my favorite movie of all time, Steel Magnolias, because it gave me ‘all the feels’! The parts about grief and loss were so parallel to my feelings and experiences, even though our mothers’ deaths were almost polar opposites. Mine being very prolonged and much later in life. I loved your book so much. It will be enjoyable and helpful to many!” –John D

“Mandy Kubicek’s I Killed Mom and Other Lies is hard to put down. Structured with scenes from Then and Now, Mandy’s book shows formative childhood events and the young-adult challenges (and strengths) that resulted. That makes it an enlightening read, a source of insight. As a memoirist, I felt prompted to look again at parallels between childhood events and adult behavior in my own story.” –Fran Mason

Wonderful, poignant account of life after early loss and its repercussions.” –Laura Joyce-Hubbard, award-winning author

A beautiful and honest look at the journey of depression. It is a portrait of how holding in your feelings can strangle you. I loved reading. One detail after the next rung so true to my inner child.” –Dixie Perkinson, actor and writer

“An amazing book about loss. Looking forward to the next book from this author!” –Rachel

ebook i killed mom and other lies a memoir of early loss

Reflection questions

Are you enjoying I Killed Mom and Other Lies with a group? Check out this discussion guide for questions to guide your conversation. You can also use them for individual reflection.

Click to download 10 Reflection Questions.